MONKEY SEE, MONKEY SUE

the Monkey scampered through the trees and found Pinocchio and his father Gepetto in the woods.

I am hungry, said Pinocchio. Who can I sue?

"You cannot sue for being hungry," said Gepetto. "Have some pears."

I don't like pears, said Pinocchio.

"Then you'll go hungry," said Gepetto. "You must learn to appreciate what you have."

The Monkey swooped down beside them.

Look, it's a Monkey! Can I eat him? asked Pinocchio.

"You cannot eat him, no," said his father.

I'm going to sue him, then.

The Monkey was not concerned. "Then I shall sue you right back!" he proclaimed. "I'll sue you to stop suing everybody for your own stupidity."

This is crazy! said Pinocchio. Why would anyone sue me?

"Because you are a liar," said The Monkey.

I am not a liar! lied Pinocchio. I am a trained diplomat and have to phrase things very carefully so that everyone is offended. Besides, I am so clever that no one realizes I am lying.

The Monkey, being quite clever himself, asked "But didn't you just contradict yourself? You said you didn't lie and now you say everyone is too stupid to realize you are lying. Clearly, both statements cannot be correct."

Papa! cried Pinocchio, upset at being caught in another lie. Punish the mean Monkey for telling the truth! Tell everyone he stole from me!

"Stole what from you?" Gepetto asked.

Um---umm--Pinocchio tried to think of what he could possibly claim that could not be proven. My WRITING! he said.

"What writing?" asked the Monkey? Your legal papers?

Yes, I wrote you legal papers to sue the beer bottle, and you stole them from me.

"But if you wrote them for me, aren't they mine?"

I'm hungry, answered Pinocchio. Maybe a pear or two wouldn't be too bad.