YOGA SESSION VIII

"Do you wish to continue yoga classes?" said the instructor. "Yes, I do, but--"

"Submit to your instructor, then!"

"All right, all right, final cut for the director!"

"Good, now I will teach for the flying eat crow!"

YOGA SESSION VII

"Don't make me mad, do the downward dog!" barked the instructor, who was actually the ferocious puppy, making ends meet by working as yoga instructor to the stars and studio executives who saw themselves as stars. "Now what is the budget?"

"Make that fifty million," said the Head Guy.

"That will cover only the special effects. Let's start at a hundred."

"OK, OK."

"And the director gets final cut."

"No way," said the Head Guy.

YOGA SESSION VI

"Let's do the Adho Mukha Svanasana, or Downward Dog," said the instructor.

"I hate the Downward Dog," said the Head Guy.

YOGA SESSION V

"Thirty million," said the Head Guy.

"You're kidding, right?" growled the instructor. "Let me move you to another pose so you can think more clearly."

YOGA SESSION IV

"I will do so, gladly," said the instructor, taking the Head Guy from the bottom. "First, let's work on your posture for the head stand. What do you feel?"

"I feel I should grab the project before anyone else does."

"What budget?" asked the instructor.

YOGA SESSION III

"Oh, you have plenty of time for ice cream, but no patience for the wisdom that comes from yoga?" barked the instructor.

"What if the project is a dog?" said the Head Guy for Fox.

"A dog is a step up from what you do," said the instructor.

"Show me what I need to do, my honored instructor, to make a good decision."

YOGA SESSION II

"Oh, come on, decision, hurry up already!" said the Head Guy. "I don't have all day for this! I'm giving you one more minute of the head stand or else!"

YOGA SESSION I

The Head Guy did a head stand, or his version of the salamba sirsasana, to let powerful energy flow to his head, so he could make a decision.

No decision came, so he remained on his head longer.

THE PUPPETWOOD SQUEEZE V

"I should do some yoga, that will help me make a decision," he decided. "But first, I must finish my ice cream cone to make sure that is the right decision." He took a few more licks from the cone. Ice cream, it should be noted, will place one on a very good frame of mind for yoga. Not many instructors will tell you that, but the Head Guy had one of the top yoga instructors in all of Puppetwood.

THE PUPPETWOOD SQUEEZE IV

The only conclusion he could reach, however, was that his ice cream cone tasted delicious. "How come no one ever brings me a project about ice cream?" he wondered. "I would greenlight that in a heartbeat!" But they had not. How else could he make a decision about the project that was not at hand?

THE PUPPETWOOD SQUEEZE III

The Head Guy put the ice cream cone to his mouth, sure that it would help him. He took the first lick and considered the scenarios: he could have his studio spend a fortune, and possibly lose a fortune on a shark movie--and there had been no recent shark movies, now had there?--or he could take the chance that the Polar Bear was telling the truth and that Spielberg was interested, and someone else would make a fortune. He took another lick of the ice cream cone.

THE PUPPETWOOD SQUEEZE II

Now that he'd had both ears chewed off fairly well, the Head Guy sat in a corner of his corner office and ordered an ice cream cone to be sent in. He did not usually indulge in sweets, but sometimes an ice cream cone provided the right nutrients to make important decisions, especially a project proposed by the Polar Bear that involved a shark.

THE PUPPETWOOD SQUEEZE I

"If you're not sure, I can hold off on going to Spielberg for a day or two," said the Polar Bear. "That will only make the price go up. You know, sharks have always done well at the box office." He put on his best sympathetic face. "Look, you're one of my oldest friends in Puppetwood. I wouldn't feel right walking away from you with so much gold in my pocket, and not sharing. Let me chew your ear a little more about the details so you can make the right decision."

And so the Polar Bear talked and talked and chewed and chewed until the Head Guy didn't know if he was coming or going.

THE PITCH TO FOX VIII

The idea that someone else might want the project made him suddenly want it, too. What a quandary!

THE PITCH TO FOX VII

"We're Pepsi people on this lot," he explained. "We have to pass."

"That's a shame," said the Polar Bear. "You know Spielberg wants to work with the Shark again."

THE PITCH TO FOX VI

So the Polar Bear spun the tale of a little puppy who goes in search of his true self, and does battle with a Shark and a hippo, who will require high level set advisors in the form of Clarence and The Hippo.

the Head Guy followed along all until the Polar Bear got to the part about The Diet Coke Tie-in.

THE PITCH TO FOX V

"it is funny, isn't it?" said the Head Guy.

"Hilarious. Maybe even too funny. Might need its own project," said the Polar Bear.

"So what is this new one you've got?" Go ahead- chew my ear for while--everybody else does."

"Ho ho!" cried the Polar Bear, trying to make a sound similar to laughter.

"I like you," said the Head Guy. "What's the story?"

THE PITCH TO FOX IV

"Or maybe you were just skating on thin ice," joked the Head Guy, truly amused by his own wit.

"Golly, that's funny, good one," lied the Polar Bear. "I could use a line like that in the new project."

THE PITCH TO FOX III

"Rupert, great to see you," said the Polar Bear as he entered the office and extended his paw.

"I guess the reports that you were endangered were greatly exaggerated," said The Head Guy. "Someone should sue those scientists."

THE PITCH TO FOX II

Looks are rarely deceiving.The head guy at Fox had to be a tough nut, and cracked a lot of tough nuts himself. This did not mean he was heartless, not at all. He had a soft spot for the ladies himself, and had swapped mates a few times, which cost him more bananas than they have in all of Costa Rica. Therefore, he was always happy to listen to pitches that might bring in more bananas, which also meant producers could chew his ear--sometimes literally.

THE PITCH TO FOX I

I've got it, thought the Polar Bear. The entire package played before his eyes. Now he just had to roll it to the head guy and sell it like ice to the Eskimos (one of his favorite expressions). The head guy at Fox was known to be a very tough nut to crack.

HE LOVIES THE LADIES

I'm fairy certain I can tempt him, I've seen how he plays.

THE FEROCIOUS PUPPY

That's right, the puppy will shut down production if there's a giraffe in the cast.

Hmmm, maybe I can offer him his own movie--with lots of women of easy virtue....

IT SHOULD HAVE A GIRAFFE

Everyone loves giraffes, he thought. The story should start with a giraffe. Or is there a problem with giraffes I should know?

NOT THE WOLF AT THE DOOR, BUT--

The Polar Bear at the 20h Century Fox door, on his way to set up a meeting, thought carefully about the story he was going to pitch.

NO, EXCUSE ME!

"I have been standing by the door here for a very long time, and I resolve this year to get back into this story in a big way!" said The Wolf.

EXCUSE US YET AGAIN!!!

"Sure, that's just ducky when you can hang out in your own shell, but puppets like us have to deal with realities of the wolf at the door!"

WHAT'S THE HURRY?

"I resolve to take things a little more slowly this year, and give myself time to think about truly important issues, such as those raised by the Cheetah," said Giovanni Lento." I mean, if he can take the time for a number of things that weren't important yesterday, then so can we all."

EXCUSE US!!!

We're trying to set up a very important Hollywood meeting for The Shark--but everyone's just going on about their New Year's Resolutions and all kinds of philosophical nonsense! At this rate, we won't be ready until February!

EXCUSE ME?

"Perhaps the likes of you are on stage for a short time, but I resolve never to leave!" declared Filberto.

WHAT CONFUSES SPOT

"I don't get why all the puppets are suing each other, and puppets who used to be friends are no longer talking to each other. It's all a very sad state for puppets, and I just don't get it. I mean, we're only on the stage for a very short time."

MORE CONFUSION

"I'm not sure I even want to know what a Yurt is," said Spot. "I'm confused enough with the yurt and the paperwork, thank you very much. May I tell you what confuses me?" And without further prompting, he did:

MORE MONKEY SPEAK

"We would do the paperwork for you, to make sure your insurance covers the medical parts of your stay," said Nurse Martha, helpfully. "I resolve to take care of all the important paperwork for you!"

DR. MONKEY SPEAKS

"I resolve to help you become less confused," offered Dr. Monkey. "I'm thinking a retreat to the Instant Spine-O-Matic Easy Reduction Yurt would help you."

SPOT'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION

Spot wishes to become less endangered and less confused.

CLARENCE THE SHARK'S RESOLUTION

"Whereas I generally enjoy chomping on inappropriate items, I resolve to restrain myself--to the best of my abilities, of course. There is always a loophole for tasty items, is there not?"

REX'S RESOLUTION

"I'm with the Pirate! Let's put stuff into our mouths that we should not! Yum!"

THE PIRATE'S RESOLUTION

"Aye, my Matey Mutt, I'm with ye on the commandeering! I resolve to teach ye how to go wenchin' and plunderin' and have a grand old time puttin' stuff into yer mouth ye should not!"

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Rango, the ferocious puppy who has even Clarence the Shark scared of him, once more commandeers the Daily Puppet to wish you a Happy New Year and allow the various puppets to state their New Year's resolutions:

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 11

"I have connections that can get him a movie deal to distract him," said the Polar bear.

"You're a genius!" said the brown bear. "Let's set up a meeting right away!"

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 10

"We are in a real pickle," said the brown bear, "There is nothing we can do about the Shark."

"We've got to think and be very clever," said the Polar bear.

"But how can we be clever and outsmart a Shark who knows how to take advantage of the legal system?"

"Let's not let him get to the legal system," said the Polar bear.

"What do you have in mind?"

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 9

"And anything I can do, please let me know," said Nurse Martha. "I am known to be quite persuasive at times."

"I can see that," said the brown bear. "You are the kind of monkey who can make the other monkeys go bananas. But let us keep in mind we are dealing with a Shark and also a very tough Hippo."

"Thank you, I know you will come up with something brilliant, and not in the way our British cousins use the word, either."

"Your faith in us is touching," said the brown bear. "We will come up with something, I promise."

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 8

"Is there nothing we can do?" asked Dr Monkey, now downhearted.

"My colleague and I need some time to formulate a strategy for you. Would you mind if we put our heads together to see what we can think of to neutralize the Shark?"

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 7

"But we made no final agreement with The Shark, nor with the Hippo," said Dr. Monkey. "How can that be?"

"The Shark will know that he can make the claim, with only the slightly and least convincing arguments, and the legal system will allow him to go after you until you prove that he is lying," said the Polar bear.

"But that could take years and a lot of money," cried Dr. Monkey.

"He knows that and could count on that," the Polar bear advised.

"So it would cost us more to prove he is lying than it would cost to just pay him?"

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 6

"Your thanks and hugs may have to wait," cautioned the bears. "This is a very serious issue, as the Shark may make a claim on all your profits."

CHRISTMAS WISHES 2009

A brief interruption for the mouse to wish you a Merry Christmas and a New Year filled with oranges.

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 5

"We LOVE your ideas!" said the monkeys. Dr. Monkey then asked: "But I am wondering if we will have to get out of an implied agreement with with the Shark?"

"You were seeing the Shark???!!!!" cried the bears.

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 4

"And instead of having just the Yurts, you can have all kinds of places--like Reduction Dens, and Caves, and Mountain Spas."

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 3

And so the monkeys met with the bears and began to discuss Dr. Monkey's Instant Spine-O-Matic Easy Reduction Yurt.
"OK, so right away I see Diet Coke as a sponsor," said the Polar bear.

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 2

"And I have some ties to Coca-Cola for product placement we can discuss as well!" the Polar bear called out to the Monkeys.

"Don't give away ideas," warned the brown bear, "I hear these monkeys can be very clever."

"If they are such clever monkeys, they will know that co-branding is key to success. What is it they need lawyers for, exactly?"

"Let's find out," said the brown bear.

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 1

"Please come over to our offices for a con-
sultation!" said the brown bear. "I think we can do some good business together!"

HOW MUCH DOES IT PAY? 5

The bears consulted. "This could make our firm's reputation--we could bring in Yogi, Smokey and Pooh, just for starters," said the brown bear.

HOW MUCH DOES IT PAY? 4

Nurse Martha called up to the bears: "We will pay you your normal hourly rate plus a signing bonus for every celebrity client you bring us. Is that worth talking about?"

HOW MUCH DOES IT PAY? 3

Nurse Martha whispered a new plan in the Doctor's ear. "I like it!" he said. "Tell them!"

HOW MUCH DOES IT PAY? 2

"Let's try low-balling them and see if they go for it," said Nurse Martha.
"What do you have in mind?" asked Dr. Monkey.

HOW MUCH DOES IT PAY?

The Monkeys put their furry heads together for a quick consultation. "Should I make them the same offer we made the Shark?" asked Dr. Monkey. Nurse Martha thought quickly.

LOOKING FOR A SECOND OPINION 2

"We do! We do! What's the pay?"

LOOKING FOR A SECOND OPINION

"Calling all lawyers! Calling all lawyers! Who wants to give an second opinion on a mega-deal?"

HYPE SPRINGS ETERNAL 8

"I think we need new lawyers," said Filberto, in another stage whisper to the Monkeys."May we please widen the net a little further?"

"Where would you like to look?" asked Dr. Monkey. "I do not usually go around Puppet City, because of all the tourists and papps, but perhaps you could search--just for a second opinion, of course--you would understand that."

HYPE SPRINGS ETERNAL 7

The remark was overheard and sent Gepetto away as angry as he was concerned for Pinocchio. From the looks of things, he would be waiting to be let into the offices as long as Pinocchio had to wait to be seen, which was essentially forever, as it was not going to happen. But was the Clinic going to happen without the star patient?

"Let me ask you this," said Clarence the Shark: "What would happen if your showcase patient did not show up--because he really has some spine?"
"My endorsement alone would assure success!" proclaimed Filberto.

"Then you be the patient, too!" said Doctor Monkey.

"I don't think that's a good idea," said The Hippo.

"I have to agree with the Hippo," said Clarence, reluctantly.

HYPE SPRINGS ETERNAL 6

Nurse Martha did not hear the question. "I resent the idea that a boy of mine would not stand up for himself," scolded Gepetto.

Doctor Monkey re-focussed the meeting for his Clinic. "That Pinocchio could not stand up at all, but he will when he enters the Spine-O-Matic Yurt. It will be a different story."

Gepetto listened in and tried to intervene: "If he did not stand up, he was telling a story that was not true. Did you see his nose?"

"Can we get back to my role in all this?" Filberto said, impatiently.

"I am going to your offices and I expect to be let in within ten minutes," said Gepetto.

"Can you believe the ego?" said Filberto, in a stage whisper.

HYPE SPRING ETERNAL 5

"I'll be waiting at the Door to the Office, please hurry," said Gepetto.

"There, there," said Nurse Martha, not really paying attention. "I mean sure, sure, not to worry, your boy won't be going anywhere. He has no spine"

"Of course he has a spine--I made him with a spine," countered Gepetto. "Why do you think he has no backbone?"

HYPE SPRING ETERNAL 4

"Ok, I'm going," Gepetto repeated. "Nurse Martha, you are coming?"

"I said in a minute," said Nurse Martha, "We're just getting into the good stuff here."

HYPE SPRINGS ETERNAL 3

"I'll take you over there myself in a minute," said Nurse Martha. "We just have to get these negotiations started, so everyone can make lots of money."

"I don't want lots of money, I want to see that my boy is safe," said Gepetto. "I'm going over there now."

HYPE SPRINGS ETERNAL 2

"I sent Pinocchio to Doctor Monkey's Clinic this morning so he could pretend that he was injured," admitted the Shark.

"Did my boy lie and say he was injured?" Gepetto gasped.
"We had a patient with a real back injury today," proclaimed Doctor Monkey." There was no acting."
Filberto concurred, "You rarely get to see acting of my calibre in these mundane situations."

"There's more acting that goes on than you may realize," countered the Shark.

"So, is my boy still at your office?" asked Gepetto. "May we go there, please?"

HYPE SPRINGS ETERNAL

The Hippo took Clarence the Shark back into the Publican to make nice for a change. "I am delighted you've returned," Doctor Monkey greeted them, "Does this mean we can continue the talks about the soon-to-be world famous Spine Clinic in a civilized and productive manner?"

"And I hope you have some new-found respect for my dental talent as well as my sensational acting talent," said Filberto.

While Clarence despaired of finding the right phrase, Gepetto piped in: "Now can you tell me where is my-a boy Pinocchio?"

THE SPINE CLINIC XXIV

And so Pinocchio left, not entirely sure himself where he was headed, but determined to do better.

THE SPINE CLINIC XXIII

Still waiting in the examining room, and no longer able to follow the Monkeys' antics, as they had gone to The Publican, Pinocchio stood up straight and considered how his little schemes had been a disaster from the start. May-a be I should not-a think I am so-a smart, he thought. May-a be I should stop-a taking the advice-a from that Shark-a guy. Besides, it's a-getting kind-of quiet in here.

THE SHARK SUBDUED?

I must make this puppy a partner in my firm, thought the shark, or he'll eat me first.

"Uncle, I cry uncle," said Clarence.

"That's better," said he Hippo. "Now let's get down to business. The Publican awaits."

NATURAL BORN KILLER

"How indeed," laughed the Hippo. "This pup is quite capable of finding you and dragging you into his cage--then he'll dispatch you with a smile on his face."

A CLEVER QUESTION

"How exactly do you figure you're going to get me into a cage with this Rango Dog?" asked the Shark, with increasing nervousness that he tried his best to mask through sharp questioning.

RANGO ONLY LOOKS LIKE A CUTE PUPPY

Clarence watched Rango wallop the giraffe, shaking him side to side against the bars and squeezing him until the giraffe squeaked for mercy.

"The giraffe stuck his neck out just a little too far," warned the Hippo. "What do you say to that, Mr. Clarence Thurgood Cochran the Third?"

THE NEXT LEVEL

"I could put you in a cage with Rango,"
said the Hippo.

"Rango? What's a Rango?" scoffed the Shark.

"He is the new puppy of the Puppet Master. He eats giraffes for breakfast and spits them out for lunch."

"He looks fairly tame to me," said the Shark.

"Really? Let me show you what he can do," said the Hippo.

HE IS HEAVY, HE'S A HIPPO 2

"What do you mean, another level?" asked Clarence, with increasing alarm for his own well-being.

The Hippo grabbed the Shark's dorsal fin and hauled him to the ground. "Let me paint you a picture. We can go where the sea is frozen or where the birds will come and peck at you until you wish you had the good sense to cry uncle when you could have."

"I simply refuse to cry uncle" said Clarence.

"Oh, I forgot--there is one other incentive I have for getting you to cooperate with the other puppets and have me as your partner," said the Hippo.

"What is that?" asked Clarence.

HE IS HEAVY, HE'S A HIPPO

"Everybody stand back," said the Hippo, flipping Clarence and then leaping with surprising grace, as hippos can, onto the back of the Shark and pinning him with all his weight.

"Now, what was that you were saying about over your dead body?"

Clarence was secretly terrified of the Hippo, but was not about to give in. Not when there were significant billable hours involved, that should not be shared if he could help it.

"I do not negotiate with semi-aquatic ungulates," said the Shark.
"Is that right?" said the Hippo. "Let's take this to another level."