CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 7

"But we made no final agreement with The Shark, nor with the Hippo," said Dr. Monkey. "How can that be?"

"The Shark will know that he can make the claim, with only the slightly and least convincing arguments, and the legal system will allow him to go after you until you prove that he is lying," said the Polar bear.

"But that could take years and a lot of money," cried Dr. Monkey.

"He knows that and could count on that," the Polar bear advised.

"So it would cost us more to prove he is lying than it would cost to just pay him?"

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 6

"Your thanks and hugs may have to wait," cautioned the bears. "This is a very serious issue, as the Shark may make a claim on all your profits."

CHRISTMAS WISHES 2009

A brief interruption for the mouse to wish you a Merry Christmas and a New Year filled with oranges.

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 5

"We LOVE your ideas!" said the monkeys. Dr. Monkey then asked: "But I am wondering if we will have to get out of an implied agreement with with the Shark?"

"You were seeing the Shark???!!!!" cried the bears.

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 4

"And instead of having just the Yurts, you can have all kinds of places--like Reduction Dens, and Caves, and Mountain Spas."

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 3

And so the monkeys met with the bears and began to discuss Dr. Monkey's Instant Spine-O-Matic Easy Reduction Yurt.
"OK, so right away I see Diet Coke as a sponsor," said the Polar bear.

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 2

"And I have some ties to Coca-Cola for product placement we can discuss as well!" the Polar bear called out to the Monkeys.

"Don't give away ideas," warned the brown bear, "I hear these monkeys can be very clever."

"If they are such clever monkeys, they will know that co-branding is key to success. What is it they need lawyers for, exactly?"

"Let's find out," said the brown bear.

CONSULTATION WITH THE BEARS 1

"Please come over to our offices for a con-
sultation!" said the brown bear. "I think we can do some good business together!"

HOW MUCH DOES IT PAY? 5

The bears consulted. "This could make our firm's reputation--we could bring in Yogi, Smokey and Pooh, just for starters," said the brown bear.

HOW MUCH DOES IT PAY? 4

Nurse Martha called up to the bears: "We will pay you your normal hourly rate plus a signing bonus for every celebrity client you bring us. Is that worth talking about?"

HOW MUCH DOES IT PAY? 3

Nurse Martha whispered a new plan in the Doctor's ear. "I like it!" he said. "Tell them!"

HOW MUCH DOES IT PAY? 2

"Let's try low-balling them and see if they go for it," said Nurse Martha.
"What do you have in mind?" asked Dr. Monkey.

HOW MUCH DOES IT PAY?

The Monkeys put their furry heads together for a quick consultation. "Should I make them the same offer we made the Shark?" asked Dr. Monkey. Nurse Martha thought quickly.

LOOKING FOR A SECOND OPINION 2

"We do! We do! What's the pay?"

LOOKING FOR A SECOND OPINION

"Calling all lawyers! Calling all lawyers! Who wants to give an second opinion on a mega-deal?"

HYPE SPRINGS ETERNAL 8

"I think we need new lawyers," said Filberto, in another stage whisper to the Monkeys."May we please widen the net a little further?"

"Where would you like to look?" asked Dr. Monkey. "I do not usually go around Puppet City, because of all the tourists and papps, but perhaps you could search--just for a second opinion, of course--you would understand that."

HYPE SPRINGS ETERNAL 7

The remark was overheard and sent Gepetto away as angry as he was concerned for Pinocchio. From the looks of things, he would be waiting to be let into the offices as long as Pinocchio had to wait to be seen, which was essentially forever, as it was not going to happen. But was the Clinic going to happen without the star patient?

"Let me ask you this," said Clarence the Shark: "What would happen if your showcase patient did not show up--because he really has some spine?"
"My endorsement alone would assure success!" proclaimed Filberto.

"Then you be the patient, too!" said Doctor Monkey.

"I don't think that's a good idea," said The Hippo.

"I have to agree with the Hippo," said Clarence, reluctantly.

HYPE SPRINGS ETERNAL 6

Nurse Martha did not hear the question. "I resent the idea that a boy of mine would not stand up for himself," scolded Gepetto.

Doctor Monkey re-focussed the meeting for his Clinic. "That Pinocchio could not stand up at all, but he will when he enters the Spine-O-Matic Yurt. It will be a different story."

Gepetto listened in and tried to intervene: "If he did not stand up, he was telling a story that was not true. Did you see his nose?"

"Can we get back to my role in all this?" Filberto said, impatiently.

"I am going to your offices and I expect to be let in within ten minutes," said Gepetto.

"Can you believe the ego?" said Filberto, in a stage whisper.

HYPE SPRING ETERNAL 5

"I'll be waiting at the Door to the Office, please hurry," said Gepetto.

"There, there," said Nurse Martha, not really paying attention. "I mean sure, sure, not to worry, your boy won't be going anywhere. He has no spine"

"Of course he has a spine--I made him with a spine," countered Gepetto. "Why do you think he has no backbone?"

HYPE SPRING ETERNAL 4

"Ok, I'm going," Gepetto repeated. "Nurse Martha, you are coming?"

"I said in a minute," said Nurse Martha, "We're just getting into the good stuff here."

HYPE SPRINGS ETERNAL 3

"I'll take you over there myself in a minute," said Nurse Martha. "We just have to get these negotiations started, so everyone can make lots of money."

"I don't want lots of money, I want to see that my boy is safe," said Gepetto. "I'm going over there now."

HYPE SPRINGS ETERNAL 2

"I sent Pinocchio to Doctor Monkey's Clinic this morning so he could pretend that he was injured," admitted the Shark.

"Did my boy lie and say he was injured?" Gepetto gasped.
"We had a patient with a real back injury today," proclaimed Doctor Monkey." There was no acting."
Filberto concurred, "You rarely get to see acting of my calibre in these mundane situations."

"There's more acting that goes on than you may realize," countered the Shark.

"So, is my boy still at your office?" asked Gepetto. "May we go there, please?"

HYPE SPRINGS ETERNAL

The Hippo took Clarence the Shark back into the Publican to make nice for a change. "I am delighted you've returned," Doctor Monkey greeted them, "Does this mean we can continue the talks about the soon-to-be world famous Spine Clinic in a civilized and productive manner?"

"And I hope you have some new-found respect for my dental talent as well as my sensational acting talent," said Filberto.

While Clarence despaired of finding the right phrase, Gepetto piped in: "Now can you tell me where is my-a boy Pinocchio?"

THE SPINE CLINIC XXIV

And so Pinocchio left, not entirely sure himself where he was headed, but determined to do better.

THE SPINE CLINIC XXIII

Still waiting in the examining room, and no longer able to follow the Monkeys' antics, as they had gone to The Publican, Pinocchio stood up straight and considered how his little schemes had been a disaster from the start. May-a be I should not-a think I am so-a smart, he thought. May-a be I should stop-a taking the advice-a from that Shark-a guy. Besides, it's a-getting kind-of quiet in here.

THE SHARK SUBDUED?

I must make this puppy a partner in my firm, thought the shark, or he'll eat me first.

"Uncle, I cry uncle," said Clarence.

"That's better," said he Hippo. "Now let's get down to business. The Publican awaits."

NATURAL BORN KILLER

"How indeed," laughed the Hippo. "This pup is quite capable of finding you and dragging you into his cage--then he'll dispatch you with a smile on his face."

A CLEVER QUESTION

"How exactly do you figure you're going to get me into a cage with this Rango Dog?" asked the Shark, with increasing nervousness that he tried his best to mask through sharp questioning.

RANGO ONLY LOOKS LIKE A CUTE PUPPY

Clarence watched Rango wallop the giraffe, shaking him side to side against the bars and squeezing him until the giraffe squeaked for mercy.

"The giraffe stuck his neck out just a little too far," warned the Hippo. "What do you say to that, Mr. Clarence Thurgood Cochran the Third?"

THE NEXT LEVEL

"I could put you in a cage with Rango,"
said the Hippo.

"Rango? What's a Rango?" scoffed the Shark.

"He is the new puppy of the Puppet Master. He eats giraffes for breakfast and spits them out for lunch."

"He looks fairly tame to me," said the Shark.

"Really? Let me show you what he can do," said the Hippo.

HE IS HEAVY, HE'S A HIPPO 2

"What do you mean, another level?" asked Clarence, with increasing alarm for his own well-being.

The Hippo grabbed the Shark's dorsal fin and hauled him to the ground. "Let me paint you a picture. We can go where the sea is frozen or where the birds will come and peck at you until you wish you had the good sense to cry uncle when you could have."

"I simply refuse to cry uncle" said Clarence.

"Oh, I forgot--there is one other incentive I have for getting you to cooperate with the other puppets and have me as your partner," said the Hippo.

"What is that?" asked Clarence.

HE IS HEAVY, HE'S A HIPPO

"Everybody stand back," said the Hippo, flipping Clarence and then leaping with surprising grace, as hippos can, onto the back of the Shark and pinning him with all his weight.

"Now, what was that you were saying about over your dead body?"

Clarence was secretly terrified of the Hippo, but was not about to give in. Not when there were significant billable hours involved, that should not be shared if he could help it.

"I do not negotiate with semi-aquatic ungulates," said the Shark.
"Is that right?" said the Hippo. "Let's take this to another level."

SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE DAD

"I don't care who's killing who," said Gepetto, ignoring the whom part of the language, "I just want both of you to stop." He turned toward the Hippo. "Can you get them to stop so I can find out where is my boy Pinocchio?"

"Maybe," said the Hippo, who then whispered into Clarence's ear: "Say uncle."

"Over my dead body," Clarence whispered back.

POINTS OF POINTED VIEW

"That looks very painful, would you like for me to take one of my sharp wood carver's tools to the Raccoon?" asked Gepetto.

"Oh, please, he's killing me," said Clarence.

"Oh please, he's killing me," said Filberto.

BE CAREFUL WHO YOU ASK FOR HELP

"Da vero?" said Gepetto, "you know where he is? Can you help me find him?"

""If you get this stupid raccoon who attacked me for no reason off me," said Clarence, with what used to be called crocodile tears, but we may now call Shark tears.

A PAPA'S WORRIES

"We do not discuss our patients at the Clinic," said Nurse Martha, with more than a little hint of guilt in her voice, as she was actually a very disciplined medical professional outside of this little lapse of leaving Pinocchio waiting in the examining room all day.

"He's my son," said Gepetto, "and it's well past office hours and he has not come home from his doctor's appointment. Please, tell me if you have seen him?"

"I know where he is," said Clarence the Shark, with a bit of difficulty, as Filberto was still keeping a grip on his nose.

EXCUSE ME, WRONG BLOG

Um, sorry, this is the Daily Puppet, not the Daily Puppy. Now back to The Puppet City Publican.....

A PUPPET WALKS INTO A BAR----

Just as the bite-off was taking place, who should walk into Puppet City Publican but the famed wood carver Gepetto.



"Mi scusi--has anyone seen my boy Pinocchio?"

NO WAY TO CONDUCT A MEETING

The Hippo grabbed hold of the Shark's dorsal fin and pinned down his left fin to hold him steady, then instructed Filberto:
"Bite him back! Sink your self-centered annoying incisors into his snout!"
Filberto's wounded ego overcame his wounded paw, and he bit fiercely in the direction of the Hippo who smartly held the Shark steady between them.
"I'm so glad you're feeling better," said Nurse Martha.

STILL YEEEEEOW

Nurse Martha offered her most soothing "There, there," to Filberto, but that did not alleviate the pain as she'd hoped.
Dr. Monkey jumped in to help. "Filberto is just an effusive actor, he meant no harm--Get a grip."
"I have a grip," said the Shark.

WHO GOBBLES WHO?

"What a good idea," snarled Clarence the Shark, sinking his teeth into the paw that petted him. "I could eat you up, too."

A deep, heartfelt yelp of pain came from the underpinnings of Filberto's soul, a cry beyond anything his theatrical training had as yet produced, and even as Nurse Martha rushed to help him, there was the thought "I must use this for my sense memory" alternating with "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeowwww!"

THE HIPPO KNOWS

To finish the recap: then The Hippo warned Filberto that the Shark was not to be patronized, petted, or shown disrespect unless you had the strength of a hippo.

"He respects my artistic accomplishments, so it's all good," said Filberto. "You do, don't you, little Sharkey?"

"It's either counselor or Clarence Thurgood Cochran the Third," intoned the Shark.

"But Sharkey's so much cuter," said Filberto, and you're just so cute, I could gobble you up!"

SPOT MISSED ME

Filberto agrees with Spot that there are too many interruptions, and insists I return to the story. Who am I to argue with a star of such magnitude? Now, to review: The Shark has been called to a meeting with Dr. Monkey and Nurse Martha to discuss legal work for the spine clinic they have in mind, using Pinocchio, who is still waiting in the exam room, as a spinal patient, despite his extreme deception on the subject of his spine, and Filberto would be the actor/spokesman. Filberto, however, rubbed Clarence the Shark the wrong way.

A Confused Cheetah

Spot The Cheetah, is confused. He is having enough trouble following this story as it is and he feels there are far too many interruptions.

Looking Good!

The bear, who recently had eye surgery, likes the new look of the Puppet Master.

The Eyes Have It

Arrr be garrrr. That wench who be runnin' The Daily Puppet came home with a patch like mine. I think she be tryin' to commandeer me look. Arrrg.

DON'T PATRONIZE THE SHARK

"It's not a good idea," said The Hippo. "I can control him to a certain degree, but I'm a hippopotamus and can scare him away."

"He's not so scary, are you. Mister Sharkey?" said Filberto.

"The name is Clarence Thurgood Cochran, the Third," said the Shark.

A BAD FEELING GETS WORSE 3

"You can do that, can't you Mister Sharkey? I hear you're very smart!"

A BAD FEELING GETS WORSE 2

"I'm in a unique position to help you all realize your dreams," Filberto proclaimed. "If Sharkey here can just figure out how to tie up all the rights so they're air tight, these adorable monkeys will be rolling in coconuts."

A BAD FEELING GETS WORSE

"Thank you all for coming," Filberto said graciously, as if he were hosting, which he was not. "The reason I invited you to this meeting is to discuss the proper handling of a very important property."

"The Clinic," said The Monkeys.

"No, me," said Filberto.

ARRIVAL AT PUPPET CITY

When Clarence and The Hippo arrived at the Puppet City Publican, they thought they presented a formidable pair. They did not reckon on a certain Raccoon, Filberto, of stage renown, being the center of attention. "I have a bad feeling about this," thought Clarence.

NEGOTIATIONS WITH A SHARK IV

"Perhaps you'd like a little travel stop at this lovely Lair?" asked Clarence. "I hear they serve delightful frou-frou drinks!"

"That's a Pirate Lair," said the Hippo."Of course they serve frou-frou drinks. They serve you frou-frou drinks until you can't see straight and then they take your wallet. No thank you!"

"Huh, he didn't fall for that," Clarence thought. "Perhaps he will be a good negotiator with the Monkeys?"

YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

NEGOTIATIONS WITH A SHARK III

The Hippo persuaded Clarence the Shark that he would be best at the meeting with the monkeys and not set down in Newfoundland. They settled on a course towards Puppet City, past a notorious Pirate Lair.

UMPEENTH+3 INTERRUPTION

"Arrgh, that's a fine bottle. What's this? They're on the way back from Philly? Change of plans, Matey. We'll divert them at the bridge, at the Tappan Zzzzzzzzzzzzz...."

UMPEENTH+2 INTERRUPTION

"Just as soon as I finish my Birthday Wishes for Bruce, I'll divert those Damn Yankees on the Way to Philly."

UMPEENTH+1 INTERRUPTION

Ahoy! Happy Birthday, Bruce Rosenblum!

WE JUST FLEW IN FROM TRANSYLVANIA AND BOY ARE OUR WINGS TIRED

"Maybe my-a timing isn't the-a best, but I-a think that-a lady who write-a the Daily Puppet is kind of-a bats!"

Happy Halloween, I boo you, not sue you!

IS IT TOO LATE FOR PITTSBURGH?

"Arrrrgh, I'll divert their ships when they sail down towards Philly."

THE SPOILER

Uh-oh. Look out, Derek, there's a wily puppet who likes to steal anything he can get his hands on!

THE UMPTEENTH INTERRUPTION IV

Ah, of course, it's the Yankees going on to The World Series. They love Derek Jeter.

THE UMPTEENTH INTERRUPTION III

The Pirate has even offered to share his rum with Tommy Lasorda. What has inspired this sense of camaraderie?

THE UMPTEENTH INTERRUPTION II

Heavens, it appears quite a few of the puppets and toys have gathered. It must be something of enormous significance.

THE UMPTEENTH INTERRUPTION

Sharks, as you know, zig-zag along, and Clarence is no exception, quite in keeping with this story. He became diverted on his way to the important meeting with Doctor Monkey.

MORE INSIDE INFORMATION

"If you can stay a few more minutes, I have my intellectual rights attorney coming over and he can tell us more."

INSIDE INFORMATION

"Let me tell you a secret about this business," said Doctor Monkey. "It's going to make everyone involved with it very very very rich."
"Really?' said Filberto. "You know I'm not about the money. I'm never about the money. How much do you figure?"

HIGH LEVEL MEETING

"Thank you for coming by," said Dr. Monkey. "I know you're very busy, and I have a patient who has been waiting for me a few minutes, but I wanted to have the chance to talk with you first about being the face of Dr. Monkey's Instant Spine-O-Matic Easy Reduction Yurt."

"What a terrific name, I love it!" said Filberto. "You don't think I look fat, do you?"

"Not at all, that's why you would be the perfect face and figure for the Yurt."

ANOTHER PHONE CALL, EXCUSE ME

"I do apologize, I must take this."
Filberto listened carefully and nodded.
"Of course, I'll be delighted to meet with you."

AS FILBERTO WAS SAYING...

"When I returned to my lair, I realized that Little Red Riding Hood's letters could be found when I was out inspecting the trash at Le Cirque or Sardi's, so I gathered them up and gnawed a nice little hole into the house of--"

MY MANAGER LOVES ME

"It's sweet, really, how my manager, Dwayne loves having me as his client. He says it makes him smile when he thinks of me, he even dreams about me when he is not hard at work promoting me. Can't say that I blame him--I make me smile at me, too. Now, where was I? Oh yes, the hiding place."

THE SECRET HIDING SPOT IS----?

"--Oh, excuse me, I have to take this call from my manager. Pardon."

DID SOMEONE SAY TROUBLE?

"As a Stage Puppet, a Puppet of the Theatre, I truly thrive on drama, on trouble, on whatever you wish to call it," said Filberto, teasingly. "I guess you notice I am not in my usual lair. Naturally, this is part of my brilliant plot to save everyone. Not that I wish to be viewed as a hero. No, that's not me. I can't help it if greatness is thrust upon me. Well, I'll give you a clue--I am at one of the addresses in Little Red Riding Hood's little red book, and the letters are hidden in--"

KITTY HEARS TROUBLE IN ALL DIRECTIONS

The ghost of Kitty is a bit stymied, as he senses the need for his help from all over.

NEGOTATIONS WITH A SHARK II

"I'll put you on a train, hanging by the tail fins, if you even mention it again," said The Hippo. "You're starting to annoy me."

"I'm starting to annoy you?" said Clarence, gnashing some of his many teeth. "I'm about to seal the biggest business deal of my career and I've got a Hippo on my back."

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I could be helpful to you in this deal?" said The Hippo.

NEGOTATIONS WITH A SHARK

"I have no desire to go to Newfoundland, thank you very much," said The Hippo. "You will please take me all the way back to the harbor at Puppet City."

"How about Kennebunkport? I can leave you with the Bushes."

"Puppet City," insisted The Hippo.

"I can put you on a train." Clarence suggested.