PINOCCHIO

You know how it is when someone cannot look you straight in the eye when you ask a question? I've noticed that a lot about this puppet. (Reminds me of certain family members in that way.) And then, there's that problem with the nose. I found him in a a puppet shop in San Gimignano in Tuscany, where he was but one of many puppets, but his version of events is, shall we say, a little different. A loose translation from the Italian:

Of course I am the puppet of the day! Back in Italy, I was the most celebrated puppet in all of Europe! There is no public figure more beloved than me. I single-handedly freed the French in World War II, brought down the Berlin Wall--oh yeah, and re-unified all of Germany--and ended the Cold War between the Soviet Union and the West through my skillful diplomatic efforts. I am called the Winston Churchill of Italy for my speeches...I am also a much better chef than that Chef you have posted. I personally instructed that Mario Batali on cooking and taught him everything he knows about Parmigiano Reggiano cheese.

Some days, this puppet is very hard to endure. Of course, everyone knows he is lying, but most people are either too polite to point that out or are afraid he will consult his lawyers and sue for defamation of character--or anything else he can think up.

If only every liar had such an obvious nose, the world would be a better place, wouldn't it?

His favorite movie? You guessed it--Pinocchio.