A CLEVER QUESTION

"How exactly do you figure you're going to get me into a cage with this Rango Dog?" asked the Shark, with increasing nervousness that he tried his best to mask through sharp questioning.

RANGO ONLY LOOKS LIKE A CUTE PUPPY

Clarence watched Rango wallop the giraffe, shaking him side to side against the bars and squeezing him until the giraffe squeaked for mercy.

"The giraffe stuck his neck out just a little too far," warned the Hippo. "What do you say to that, Mr. Clarence Thurgood Cochran the Third?"

THE NEXT LEVEL

"I could put you in a cage with Rango,"
said the Hippo.

"Rango? What's a Rango?" scoffed the Shark.

"He is the new puppy of the Puppet Master. He eats giraffes for breakfast and spits them out for lunch."

"He looks fairly tame to me," said the Shark.

"Really? Let me show you what he can do," said the Hippo.

HE IS HEAVY, HE'S A HIPPO 2

"What do you mean, another level?" asked Clarence, with increasing alarm for his own well-being.

The Hippo grabbed the Shark's dorsal fin and hauled him to the ground. "Let me paint you a picture. We can go where the sea is frozen or where the birds will come and peck at you until you wish you had the good sense to cry uncle when you could have."

"I simply refuse to cry uncle" said Clarence.

"Oh, I forgot--there is one other incentive I have for getting you to cooperate with the other puppets and have me as your partner," said the Hippo.

"What is that?" asked Clarence.

HE IS HEAVY, HE'S A HIPPO

"Everybody stand back," said the Hippo, flipping Clarence and then leaping with surprising grace, as hippos can, onto the back of the Shark and pinning him with all his weight.

"Now, what was that you were saying about over your dead body?"

Clarence was secretly terrified of the Hippo, but was not about to give in. Not when there were significant billable hours involved, that should not be shared if he could help it.

"I do not negotiate with semi-aquatic ungulates," said the Shark.
"Is that right?" said the Hippo. "Let's take this to another level."

SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE DAD

"I don't care who's killing who," said Gepetto, ignoring the whom part of the language, "I just want both of you to stop." He turned toward the Hippo. "Can you get them to stop so I can find out where is my boy Pinocchio?"

"Maybe," said the Hippo, who then whispered into Clarence's ear: "Say uncle."

"Over my dead body," Clarence whispered back.

POINTS OF POINTED VIEW

"That looks very painful, would you like for me to take one of my sharp wood carver's tools to the Raccoon?" asked Gepetto.

"Oh, please, he's killing me," said Clarence.

"Oh please, he's killing me," said Filberto.

BE CAREFUL WHO YOU ASK FOR HELP

"Da vero?" said Gepetto, "you know where he is? Can you help me find him?"

""If you get this stupid raccoon who attacked me for no reason off me," said Clarence, with what used to be called crocodile tears, but we may now call Shark tears.

A PAPA'S WORRIES

"We do not discuss our patients at the Clinic," said Nurse Martha, with more than a little hint of guilt in her voice, as she was actually a very disciplined medical professional outside of this little lapse of leaving Pinocchio waiting in the examining room all day.

"He's my son," said Gepetto, "and it's well past office hours and he has not come home from his doctor's appointment. Please, tell me if you have seen him?"

"I know where he is," said Clarence the Shark, with a bit of difficulty, as Filberto was still keeping a grip on his nose.

EXCUSE ME, WRONG BLOG

Um, sorry, this is the Daily Puppet, not the Daily Puppy. Now back to The Puppet City Publican.....

A PUPPET WALKS INTO A BAR----

Just as the bite-off was taking place, who should walk into Puppet City Publican but the famed wood carver Gepetto.



"Mi scusi--has anyone seen my boy Pinocchio?"

NO WAY TO CONDUCT A MEETING

The Hippo grabbed hold of the Shark's dorsal fin and pinned down his left fin to hold him steady, then instructed Filberto:
"Bite him back! Sink your self-centered annoying incisors into his snout!"
Filberto's wounded ego overcame his wounded paw, and he bit fiercely in the direction of the Hippo who smartly held the Shark steady between them.
"I'm so glad you're feeling better," said Nurse Martha.

STILL YEEEEEOW

Nurse Martha offered her most soothing "There, there," to Filberto, but that did not alleviate the pain as she'd hoped.
Dr. Monkey jumped in to help. "Filberto is just an effusive actor, he meant no harm--Get a grip."
"I have a grip," said the Shark.

WHO GOBBLES WHO?

"What a good idea," snarled Clarence the Shark, sinking his teeth into the paw that petted him. "I could eat you up, too."

A deep, heartfelt yelp of pain came from the underpinnings of Filberto's soul, a cry beyond anything his theatrical training had as yet produced, and even as Nurse Martha rushed to help him, there was the thought "I must use this for my sense memory" alternating with "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeowwww!"

THE HIPPO KNOWS

To finish the recap: then The Hippo warned Filberto that the Shark was not to be patronized, petted, or shown disrespect unless you had the strength of a hippo.

"He respects my artistic accomplishments, so it's all good," said Filberto. "You do, don't you, little Sharkey?"

"It's either counselor or Clarence Thurgood Cochran the Third," intoned the Shark.

"But Sharkey's so much cuter," said Filberto, and you're just so cute, I could gobble you up!"

SPOT MISSED ME

Filberto agrees with Spot that there are too many interruptions, and insists I return to the story. Who am I to argue with a star of such magnitude? Now, to review: The Shark has been called to a meeting with Dr. Monkey and Nurse Martha to discuss legal work for the spine clinic they have in mind, using Pinocchio, who is still waiting in the exam room, as a spinal patient, despite his extreme deception on the subject of his spine, and Filberto would be the actor/spokesman. Filberto, however, rubbed Clarence the Shark the wrong way.

A Confused Cheetah

Spot The Cheetah, is confused. He is having enough trouble following this story as it is and he feels there are far too many interruptions.

Looking Good!

The bear, who recently had eye surgery, likes the new look of the Puppet Master.

The Eyes Have It

Arrr be garrrr. That wench who be runnin' The Daily Puppet came home with a patch like mine. I think she be tryin' to commandeer me look. Arrrg.

DON'T PATRONIZE THE SHARK

"It's not a good idea," said The Hippo. "I can control him to a certain degree, but I'm a hippopotamus and can scare him away."

"He's not so scary, are you. Mister Sharkey?" said Filberto.

"The name is Clarence Thurgood Cochran, the Third," said the Shark.

A BAD FEELING GETS WORSE 3

"You can do that, can't you Mister Sharkey? I hear you're very smart!"

A BAD FEELING GETS WORSE 2

"I'm in a unique position to help you all realize your dreams," Filberto proclaimed. "If Sharkey here can just figure out how to tie up all the rights so they're air tight, these adorable monkeys will be rolling in coconuts."

A BAD FEELING GETS WORSE

"Thank you all for coming," Filberto said graciously, as if he were hosting, which he was not. "The reason I invited you to this meeting is to discuss the proper handling of a very important property."

"The Clinic," said The Monkeys.

"No, me," said Filberto.

ARRIVAL AT PUPPET CITY

When Clarence and The Hippo arrived at the Puppet City Publican, they thought they presented a formidable pair. They did not reckon on a certain Raccoon, Filberto, of stage renown, being the center of attention. "I have a bad feeling about this," thought Clarence.

NEGOTIATIONS WITH A SHARK IV

"Perhaps you'd like a little travel stop at this lovely Lair?" asked Clarence. "I hear they serve delightful frou-frou drinks!"

"That's a Pirate Lair," said the Hippo."Of course they serve frou-frou drinks. They serve you frou-frou drinks until you can't see straight and then they take your wallet. No thank you!"

"Huh, he didn't fall for that," Clarence thought. "Perhaps he will be a good negotiator with the Monkeys?"

YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

NEGOTIATIONS WITH A SHARK III

The Hippo persuaded Clarence the Shark that he would be best at the meeting with the monkeys and not set down in Newfoundland. They settled on a course towards Puppet City, past a notorious Pirate Lair.

UMPEENTH+3 INTERRUPTION

"Arrgh, that's a fine bottle. What's this? They're on the way back from Philly? Change of plans, Matey. We'll divert them at the bridge, at the Tappan Zzzzzzzzzzzzz...."

UMPEENTH+2 INTERRUPTION

"Just as soon as I finish my Birthday Wishes for Bruce, I'll divert those Damn Yankees on the Way to Philly."

UMPEENTH+1 INTERRUPTION

Ahoy! Happy Birthday, Bruce Rosenblum!