BRIEF MESSAGE FROM THE MONKEY

Yoo-hooo! Excuse me, hellooo! Would someone please tell those numnuts that I have the Princess's crown?

Hmmmm. I wonder if numnuts taste anything like coconuts?

A BIG MISTAKE

"Hand over the Crown!" said The Sailor, pouncing on the Pirate.

"It's The Penguin!" He's got it, not The Pirate" said The Magician.

"But he's so dreamy," said The Sailor.

"Don't turn me back into sardines!" cried The Penguin. "I don't have the crown."

"You just said you did!"

"I didn't mean I had the crown, I meant I had The Crown."

Oooooops

"Maybe you should write to Brandy and let her know you're thinking of her," said the Penguin.

"Yer right," said The Pirate.

"Except I cannot write. Will you be me scribe?"

"Of course, I'll be happy to," said the Penguin. "Now, first the address. What is the name of the tavern where she works, laying whiskey down?"

"It's called THE CROWN," said the Pirate.

"The Crown. Right. Got that," said The Penguin. "And where is The Crown located exactly?"

"I can find it steering by the stars," said The Pirate.

"That's so poetic," cried The Penguin.

"Poetic? Arrrrg. That's not poetry, that's how I sail."

"I need to know exactly where The Crown is, then," said The Penguin.

"Can you look it up?"

The Penguin went through business directories for puppet locations.

"Here it is! I've got The Crown!" he said, completely unaware that The Magician and The Sailor were spying the entire time.

STILL IN THE PIRATE'S LAIR....

The Pirate and The Penguin spent the evening planning how to find their way to The Saucy Barmaid. They were not aware that The Magician and The Sailor were still in The Lair and were planning to get justice for the Princess.

SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A LARGE SPOON

As luck would have it, The Chef was out searching for ingredients for his soup that evening and spotted the crab (but not a spotted crab) monster. He pounced on the crab, swatted it it on the head with his spoon and saved Kasper from it while the Brave scouted ahead carefully.

SPEAK SOFTLY & CARRY BIG TOMAHAWK

"Maybe I wrong," whispered The Brave. "It sounds like Crab Monster. Just be careful and speak softly."

"Mmmmmm!" said Kasper, his voice muffled.

"Not so softly that I no hear you," said The Brave.

THE BRAVE & KASPER

The Brave and Kasper did not know that The Monkey had The Princess's Crown, so had continued to make their way to the Pirate's Lair, deep under the Bridge of Misery. It was getting dark, about the time when slimy things start to come out.

The Brave motioned Kasper to stop.

"What is it?" asked Kasper.

The Brave indicated they should speak softly.

"Something wrong," he murmured. "I can feel."

"The bear?" Kasper whispered.

"No Bear," said The Brave. "Crab monster."

"That's only in the movies," said "Kasper. "There are no Crab monsters."

DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING

In the morning, Gepetto went to get some wood in the forest and was surprised to find his son Pinocchio hanging upside down. Before he could ask, Pinocchio greeted him:

Papa! Look what I have learned! That Brave showed me an old Indian trick of listening for approaching animals with your ear to the ground.

"But your ear is not on the ground," said Gepetto. "Your ear is approaching the ground, but still above the ground."

So that is the problem! Help me down and I will be not only the most clever lawyer in the woods, but the best tracker.

"What will you track down?" asked his father.

Simple. Other people's money.

DANCING WITH THE SQUAWS

There will be a brief pause in the story for a message from The Brave:

"How! Watch-um Dancing With Squaw Tonight! New Season!"

SLIME-AWAY?

The Monkey, in the meantime, managed to get the green stomach slime from Rex's tummy washed off the Princess's crown (do not ask how) and is preparing to finally--at last!--to get it back to her.

I'LL FOLLOW THE SUN

"Come together, right now," instructed June the Beetle. She placed her six legs around them, to encourage them.

"I guess it's all right, really," said The Penguin.

"Maybe I can be a better friend to you," said The Pirate.

"Maybe I can help you find Brandy," offered the Penguin. "I'm very good crossing waters."

So they prepared to get a good night's rest and leave the Pirate's Lair under the Bridge of Misery in the morning, to find the Saucy Barmaid in her harbor town.

"Will you come with us?" The Penguin asked June.

"I don't want to spoil the party, so I'll go," said the Beetle, and flew away.

WISDOM FROM THE BEETLE

June The Beetle flew in to mediate the dispute.

"Arrrgh," she said, just like a pirate, "Arrrrr ye going to be arrrrrguing the whole day like this, or arrrrrgh ye going to get by with a little help from your friends?"

"I like the way you speak," said The Pirate.

"'Tis National Talk Like a Pirate Day," said June. Then she turned to The Penguin. "Now, Matey, this problem you are having with your friend The Pirate is nothing like the problem with Yoko Ono. All he needs is love. The love of a Saucy Barmaid." Then he turned to The Pirate. "The Magician took you both on a Magical Mystery Tour that was very arrrrrrrrdous. You need to take the time for a number of things that weren't important yesterday."

CHERCHEZ LA SAUCY FEMME

"You cannot expect me to feel the same way about you as I feel about that Brandy lass," said The Pirate.

"I'm sorry, I can't hear you," asserted The Penguin. "I've turned away from you."

"You're my best friend, you are," said The Pirate. "We're pals through thick and thin, but Saucy Barmaids like her come along only once in every port. I want to find her again"

"So go off and find her the, why don't you? Break up out friendship. It's just like that Yoko Ono coming between John Lennon and the Beatles."

WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU?

"Look!" said The Penguin. "I brought you this lovely bottle of cognac brandy."

"Brandy," sighed The Pirate. "She's a fine girl."

"No, a drink. A French drink, I think. I went to a lot of trouble to get it for you"

"Arrgh, she was a Russian lass. Met her in Taganrog. What a good wife she would have been."

"That saucy barmaid? Are you pining after that saucy wench? I thought you missed me, your friend," cried The Penguin.

"I told her--my life--my lover and my lady--is the sea."

"So what are you saying?" said The Penguin. "This grief is not for me?"

"You're here," said The Pirate. "She's serving a hundred ships a day on a western bay."

"I spent a week as a can of sardines on account of you!"

"She wears a locket with my picture."

"Really? Where did you steal the locket from?'

"Not important. They got over it," said The Pirate. "But I am glad to see you. Let's have that bottle, then."

"I'm not so sure," said The Penguin. "What kind of friend are you?"

"You are my best friend," insisted The Pirate. "You made me grow a heart. Now I remember that Barmaid and how wonderfully saucy she was."

"So it's my fault you miss her more than me."

"Arrg. She loved me. Or at least my sailors stories."

"Don't you want to hear about my adventures inside of Rex's stomach? And how we broke out?"

"Do you think maybe my heart is broken?" wondered The Pirate aloud.

The Penguin wondered quietly if maybe it was his that was broken.

A MOPING PIRATE

While the Monkey prepared to return the Princess's crown, The Penguin, fresh from Rex's stomach, rushed to find his friend The Pirate, to tell him he was all right and bring him the cognac to celebrate.

He was surprised to see his friend looking very sad. "He must have missed me very much. He really is my good friend," thought The Penguin, whose recent ordeals now seemed all worthwhile.

"I'm back!" he called. "Things will be all right now. I brought you a present, too!"

IT'S A BREAKOUT!

The Monkey took his hammer and pounded his way out of Rex's stomach, bringing the others along with him.

Rex was mortified that something he had greedily consumed should be used against him in this way. That should be a lesson to all very large creatures with very small brains.

EVERYONE HOLD ON

The Monkey was able to figure out how to work the Emergency Hammer. "Everyone hold on," he ordered, placing his tail around The Penguin, who held on tight to the bottle. The French Chef Salt stood behind, holding his fur and said, "Apres vous, le deluge."

"Put the bottle down and grab the crown," The Monkey barked.

"Wouldn't The Princess be just as happy with a nice meal topped by cognac?"

"No! Now--one--two--three!"

He turned on the Emergency Hammer and aimed for the stomach wall.

TUMMY TROUBLE

Suddenly, Rex paused in his eating as something truly out of the ordinary was occurring in his tummy.

CAN ANYONE READ THIS SIGN?

The Monkey introduced himself to The French Chef Salt and began discussing escape possibilities.


"I can put the salt on the tail," said The French Chef.

"Yes, but we first have to get to the tail," said The Monkey.

"Ah, oui. Dommage," said The French Chef.

The Penguin looked around at what else Rex had swallowed. "Can anyone read this sign?" he asked.

A PAUSE FOR SEPTEMBER 11

The puppets and I hope that you will take the time to remember all the real bravery and sacrifice we saw this day seven years ago and all the days since then. It's a good day to hug someone.

LOOK OUT!!!!!

Oh dear. Rex accidentally (hah!) swallowed The Monkey, too. Such a danger to stand anywhere next to Rex.

HOW BAD WOULD IT BE??!!

"SACRE BLEU!" cried the French Chef Salt, who had been inadvertently gobbled off a dinner table by Rex. "You do NOT have sardines with fine cognac. Nevair! Horrible! " He arose from the stomach floor and grabbed the bottle away from The Penguin. "I do not care about your silly crown, in my country we remove the crowns with the heads anyway, but I do care about good cognac."

"Um--maybe just a sip by itself, then?" pleaded the Penguin.

The French Chef Salt thought a moment. "You help me out of here, take me with that crown and back to my kitchen, I will make you a meal you will not forget and cognac apres. D'accord?"

"I pray da core, sure," agreed The Penguin, not at all certain what it was he was really saying at all.

THE PENGUIN'S QUANDARY

"Go on, you deserve a little reward," whispered The Devil, who enjoyed visiting in Rex's stomach whenever he could. ""What's the hurry with that crown? The Princess is getting along fine without it."

"I could just have a nice little drink all to myself," thought The Penguin. "It's good to have a little quiet time, even if it is in a slimy stomach."

Waddles, the Penguin Angel--who did not like visiting Rex's stomach at all, made an emergency trip to offer advice: "Leave the bottle now. Get the crown now. Bring it back right away. Then you can have quiet time."

The Devil--as he will-- offered different advice: "Think of how much better you'll feel if you reward yourself first. You know how things are."

Waddles countered: "You know how things are when you hang out with The Pirate. Things don't have to be that way. You can be better than that."

"The Pirate is your friend," The Devil insisted. "He can't help it if he's exciting and selfish."

"If he's such a friend," said Waddles, "why did you get turned into a can of sardines?"

"It's The Monkey's fault," sneered The Devil. "They had the crown. I just offered them a nice banana and they forgot all about it."

"Don't you let him tempt you like he did with the Monkeys," said Waddles.

The Penguin thought a moment, and wondered how bad would it be if he asked for some sardines to go with the booze?

BLINDED BY THE BOTTLE

"Maybe I should just taste it first to see if The Pirate would like it?" thought The Penguin, whose friendship with The Pirate has been something of a one-way street. Kind of like a gangplank.

Let's hope he leaves the tasting for later and goes exploring just a little more.

IN THE BELLY OF THE BEAST

As he made his descent, The Penguin's eyes began to adjust in the dim light given off by the green phosphorescent slime inside of Rex's stomach. It was an interesting array of items indeed that the dinosaur ingested that had not yet broken down. Was there anything he did not regard as food?

Then the Penguin saw a bottle he mght be able to bring back to his friend, The Pirate.

MEANWHILE, BACK INSIDE OF REX....

The Penguin continues his unintentional quest to help find the Princess's crown.

TURN THAT CLOWN UPSIDE DOWN

I have heard of a hung jury, but never of a hung attorney, said Pinocchio, who was telling the truth for a refreshing change.

"In my land, there is saying: "Hanging is too good for him," said The Brave.

"But it's the best we can do for you for now," Kasper added.

Take me down or I'll sue!

"We'll send your lawyer Vaden if we see him," said Kasper.

"Look out for Bear," said The Brave, as they left once more to find some peace in the night before setting out to find the Princess's crown.

WELL, LAW-DE-DA

Here's how it works: I make a lot of phone calls and draft a lot of letters but I don't tell you what's in them so you don't have to worry while you are out looking for the Princess's crown.

"How did you know we were looking for the Princess's crown?' asked Kasper.

"Yes, How?" asked The Brave.

Everybody wants the Princess's crown. Or The Princess. So you have no worry while I charge you money.

"That makes me worry," said Kasper.

I am going to write a long letter to The Bear and tell him he has disturbed your peace with the big smell. For that I bill an hour.

"He did apologize, there's no need," said Kasper.

Then he kept you up when you were trying to sleep. I'll phone him. That's another hour.

"You are keeping us up when we want to sleep," Kasper argued. "Can I charge you an hour for that?"

Ha-ha-ha! You remind me of the client I had in Firenza, who never stop talking. I love him! That's another hour.

"How?" asked The Brave.

You make me think about your case a lot, and that takes time. I have to research the case of the Bears who invaded Sicily to see how I can use it for your case.

"We have no case!" said The Brave.

That is for me to decide, as your lawyer.

Can we fire you now?" Kasper asked.

What? And lose your case against The bear? What are you, crazy?

NO REST YET

The Brave led Kasper to what he thought would be a safe place in the woods. The Brave was admired for his vast knowledge of tracking and trapping, and all things related to living outdoors. There was, however, something unexpected. That was Pinocchio.

I think you have a very good case against The Bear and I would like to represent you. You know, back in Italy, I was famous for successfully suing Bears from Sicily to Milano.

"How?" said The Brave.

I tell-a you how, said Pinocchio. First we discuss my fee.

SOME LOSSES

There is a tradition in my family--
not a good tradition--
where someone says, most protectively, "Let me hold onto that for you." Or "I'll just hold this here for you so it's safe."

The result, from jewelry to real estate, has always been the same: sayonara.

So it is with Kasper and The Brave's provisions. As they fled The Bear's distinctive gassiness, they heard The Bear call after them: "I'll hold your food here for you! It'll be safe with me!"

Kasper and The Brave, at least, knew immediately what took me longer to learn in life: once the bear gets his hands on it, it's gone.

They went in search of a quiet place to rest until morning.