AN EXULTANT ANSWER

"Like both of them, with maybe a little Dr. Demento to boot! The Patient lost his spine and needs you to get his back back!"

PROBING QUESTIONS

"My question really meant--is the patient's life in danger?" said Dr. Monkey. "And did you mean like Dr. Phil or more like Sanjay Gupta?

THE NATURE OF THE EMERGENCY

"It's the kind of emergency that can make you a celebrity doctor and get on a lot of television shows!"

THE DOCTOR PAUSES

"An emergency?" said Doctor Monkey. "What kind of emergency?"

NURSE MARTHA IN ACTION II

"O Doctor!" she said through the door, "I'm so sorry to disturb you when you're with another patient, but I think we have an emergency in the next room."

NURSE MARTHA IN ACTION

Nurse Martha did not take her time, she rushed to the next examination room where the Doctor was seeing another patient and knocked on the door.

WHILE THE NURSE IS AWAY--

"It feels so-a good to be able to stand up-a right,"
Pinocchio said to himself, hoping the nurse would take her time fetching the doctor.

THE EXAMINATION IV

"Oh, my goodness!" exclaimed Nurse Martha.

"What's-a the matter?" said Pinocchio. "You see-a my problem?"

"You have no backbone at all! I'm going to get the doctor in right now."

THE EXAMINATION III

"Well, let's have a look at your back," said Nurse Martha. "Does it hurt when you breathe?"

"It hurt-a when I breathe-a the air. Otherwise, is OK."

"Are you able to stand upright?"

"I can stand up only when no one else-a in the room."

THE EXAMINATION II

"I mean your description sounds as if you were up to no good. I have to wonder if maybe the cow was trying to stop you from doing something wrong?"

"She was the-a one doing something-a wrong." said Pinocchio.

THE EXAMINATION I

"How it-a happened?" Pinocchio repeated, looking at his shoes for inspiration. "Let me-a see. My colleague-a Carol Cowstanzo beg-a me to help her restore-a the house of the mean-a Little Red Riding Hood, because her sweet-a old Grandma wanted to give it to-a the Little Head Lying Good, because he go out every day and save-a the world."
"That's all very amusing," said Nurse Martha. "How exactly did that hurt your back?"
"Oh, right-a. The big-a stupid cow, she push me over on purpose. No-a apology, nothing."
"And why do you think she did that?"
"I think-a she wanted to take Little Red Riding Hood's goodies all for her-a self. If I was lying crippled on the-a ground, she could take it-a all."

"Well, what were you doing taking out the goodies?" asked Nurse Martha. "Did they belong to you?"

"What you-a mean?" asked Pinocchio, stalling for a little time to think.

SPEAKING OF DOCTORS--

Pinocchio has dutifully made his aching way to the doctor's office as Clarence suggested, to discuss his faux back injury. Luckily, the doctor has an excellent nurse who is quite clever at diagnosing ailments.

"Mr. Pinocchio? Please come in. I'm Nurse Martha and I'll just ask you a few questions before you see the doctor."

"Ow! My aching-a back!" cried Pinocchio, on cue.

"That's what we're going to take care of," she said, brightly. "Now, tell me what happened."

THE SHARK MAKES A JOKE

"And does The Evil Eye ever speak to you?" asked Giovanni Lento.
"He doesn't speak at all, he smiles at me and I smile back, of course, because I know what he wants me to do."
"You do?" What would that be?"
"Become so famous for my sharp legal skills that they name a TV show after me. You know, that's the real measure of success."

"Let me ask you this,"said Giovanni Lento, "could it be the real measure of success would be not so much the TV show about you, as the puppets you helped?"

"Helped how? You mean the puppets I helped sue?" asked Clarence. "I suppose."

"What puppets are you trying to help sue now?" asked the turtle.

"Leapin' dolphins, where to start?" said the shark. There are so many."

"Are you looking to sue me?" asked Giovanni Lento.

"I don't know you well enough yet, so don't flatter yourself" said Clarence, "but I'm sure I can think of something. Now, what were you going to tell me that was so confidential?"

"I know that I'm slow," said Giovanni Lento, but I think I must be getting on my way by myself. I thank you so much for your help earlier."

"Just remember most back injuries take a few days to really reach full bloom," said the Shark. I'll send a bill from my orthopedist."

"But you don't have bones," said the turtle.

Then you'll get one from my cartilagist! Ha-Ha! Great joke, huh?"

WHILE THE TURTLE THINKS...

Kwong and his Mate want to congratulate Bai Yun on the birth of her new baby giant panda in San Diego. Here's raising a stick of bamboo to you!

UPON REFLECTION

"I am so deeply flattered that you would think of me as The Evil Eye, not because I am of course, but because I would love to have the same powers."

"Have you ever seen The Evil Eye? Or known anyone who did?"

"Of course! I see his reflection when I'm swimming."

Giovanni Lento reflected a bit himself. What would be the next question to ask this delusional shark?

GIOVANNI PENSO

"Is there any chance--is it at all possible-- that you might be more describing yourself when you talk about the Evil Eye?"

THE SHARK IS OUTRAGED

"I insist that you take back what you said, and affirm at once that the Evil Eye is very very evil. Not just a little evil, not every now and then evil, but constantly, ubiquitously evil!"

Giovanni Lento wondered if his new friend The Shark perhaps needed something more evil than himself to discuss, and chose his words slowly--more so than usual--and carefully:

NOT SO EVIL?

"How dare you suggest The Evil Eye do anything to help?" Clarence scoffed. "Isn't it enough that he sees everything?"

"I don't think so, no," said Giovanni Lento. "I mean, it's a great idea and all, to be able to see what's going on and such, but it's not like the Evil Eye does anything at all--or is even that evil, frankly."


"This is an outrage," Clarence replied.

THE NEXT THOUGHT ON THE PENGUIN

That is one crazy Penguin.

But he will go ahead and try.

"You are telling me this Evil Eye sees all of this?" Giovanni Lento asked Clarence the Shark. "Why doesn't he do something to help?"

SOME THOUGHTS ON HAVING THE PENGUIN AS A FRIEND

The first thought is, You should be so lucky. The Penguin is the sort of friend who would actually think about going to a Reservation and being turned into a rabbit by the Medicine Man in order to help his friends. He did actually spend some time turned into a can of sardines for The Pirate in a previous story, so this is not a great stretch for him. it may be a great stretch for him to lean over to eavesdrop, but that is another meaning altogether.

The Penguin is a friend without borders: he wants to save Red Riding Hood's House, find her friend Boo, get The Pirate out of trouble, make Grandma a less bitter old broad, get Little Head Lying Good to stop being so greedy and get Pinocchio to stop lying.

THE EVIL EYE SEES ANOTHER PLOT TWIST

Unbeknownst also to Clarence, The Evil Eye sees The Penguin eavesdropping, and knows that The Penguin still cares about his old friend, The Pirate.

And where was The Pirate? The Evil Eye knows, of course, because he is The Evil Eye, that The Pirate was being airlifted by Lily May, the June Bug, away from Little Red Riding Hood's House.

The Penguin, though, still thinks that The Pirate is at Red Riding Hood's house, and is figuring out how he, too, can be disguised as a rabbit and try to help .

WHAT GOOD IS THAT?

"You are the slow one," said Clarence to Giovanni Lento. "You will just have to see how it helps."
"I'm in no hurry," said the Turtle.

What The Evil Eye saw, that Clarence did not know about, however, was that The Pirate's Old friend, The Penguin, was visiting at the Rabbit Paw Tribe Reservation. The Penguin was no stranger to infiltration, even ingestion, when necessary, to get important information....

BUT CAN THE EVIL EYE HEAR?

"It sees they are going to enlist an underground network of rabbits to infiltrate the perimeter of Little Red Riding Hood's House and set up listening posts," said Clarence."The Medicine Man can cast a spell on small creatures and they will do his bidding."

"So this big roving Eye sees them planning to listen?" asked Giovanni Lento, dismissively. "What good is that?"

STILL SEEING WHAT THE EVIL EYE SEES

Clarence the Shark blathered on about The Evil Eye:

..."It sees what we have not yet seen; It knows to look towards the nearby Rabbit Paw Reservation, where the Brave is plotting with the Tribe's Medicine Man..."

"There are no more Medicine Men," said Giovanni Lento, who was having as hard a time keeping up with Clarence's ravings about the Evil Eye as he did keeping with with, well, Rabbits.

"There ARE Medicine Men," Clarence insisted, and this one can take the shape of a rabbit."

"And what exaxtly do you think the Evil Eye sees them plotting?" asked the Turtle.

STILL EVEN MORE SHARK'S PERSPECTIVE

..."It knows that Little Red Riding Hood is determined to bring her friend in need some goodies, wherever she has gone to..."

EVEN MORE SHARK'S PERSPECTIVE

"...It's even looking inside the house at Malin Ridge Farm, at Little Red Riding Hood, trying to find her friend Boo...."

MORE SHARK'S PERSPECTIVE

".....It's looking at The Wolf who is eying Malin Ridge Farm...."

A SHARK'S PERSPECTIVE

"...It's looking at Pinocchio on his way to the Doctor to try to get evidence for his lawsuit...."

THE EVIL EYE?

"There IS an Evil Eye," Clarence proclaimed. "I am NOT paranoid. It's looking at you, and at me...."

WHAT SCARED THE MOUSE?

"I've thought it about it carefully, now," said Giovanni Lento.

"And?" demanded Clarence.

"I think you scared him,"

"Wonderful great. analysis, thanks!" snarled Clarence. "It cold not possibly have been me!"

"Then what was it?" Giovanni drawled.

"It was--The Evil Eye!"

"There is no Evil Eye," scoffed the turtle.

"Oh yeah?" said Clarence.

"Yeah," said Giovanni.

"This whole story is being watched by The Evil Eye."

"You're paranoid," said Giovanni.

WHERE'D HE GO?

"Forsooth, I fear my speech has made our rodent buddy disappear," said Clarence, sadly.

Giovanni Lento pondered slowly.

O JUDGMENT!

"You are safe now with us," said Clarence, who embraced iambic pentameter himself whenever he had the chance.

"For the moment perhaps," said the Mouse. "There is fear in my bones some great evil goes on at the house."

"Lend me your ears," said Clarence, whose meaning was perhaps more literal than poetic. "I will let you know how I fight evil with evil."

"Maybe I'm a bit slow," said Giovanni Lento, "But doesn't the evil that sharks do live after them?"

WHITE WITH FRIGHT

"Eek! Eeek! Eeek! Double-eek and triple-eek!" cried the Mouse.

"What's the trouble, little tidbit?" asked Clarence the Shark.

"The whole entire house is overrun with every type of flying beast!" said the Mouse, iambically.

A MOUSE FROM THE HOUSE

Clarence and Giovanni Lento were still figuring out Filberto the Raccoon's odd behavior when they were next surprised to see a little white mouse running from Little Red Riding Hood's house. He was shaking from head to tail, even more so than most mice.

WHAT, NO DOLLARS?

"I'll take what you have," said The Pirate.

"I don't believe I have any dollars at all," said Lily May.

"No dollars! I'll show you where to get some," said the Pirate.

"You will?!" exclaimed Lily May. "That's so good of you."

"Good?" The Pirate puzzled a moment, then realized, happily, that Lily May did not know what she was getting herself into.

A THIRSTY PILOT

"May I have another drink now?" asked Lily May, the June Bug. She had a little nip from The Pirate's bottle before takeoff. "That stuff is mighty tasty."

"When we reach cruising altitude, I'll be coming down the aisle with a beverage cart." replied the Pirate. "Soft drinks are complimentary, beer, wine and spirits are five dollar each."

"But I don't have five dollars," said Lily May.

TWO PUPPETS ALOFT

So the big bug grabbed hold of the little scoundrel and lifted him up into the air with ease (as The Pirate was often a big bag of wind, it made him lighter than most puppets).

THE PIRATE'S NEW BEST FRIEND

The Pirate sat up. "Possibly, I would. I am so inclined."

"You are not inclined, you are sitting up," Lily May the June bug pointed out.

"Arrrgh, you are a simple bug, you are," said The Pirate. "If you will do me just a little favor, I shall gladly share my bottle with you."

"Anything, of course," said Lily May, "what may I do?"

"You may fly me away with you, out of the house."

"Of course. And where would you like to go?"

"There's another house I know where they have more goodies."

"Let's go!" she said.

"There's a good friend, have a drink" said the Pirate, whose sincerity was real, but his understanding of a friend was limited to that friend's usefulness to him.

WOULD THE PIRATE SHARE?

"Where am I?" replied The Pirate.

"I am not certain of the owner of this house, but in bug language, we call this The Home of Many Goodies."

"Arrrgh," groaned The Pirate, the fuzz starting to clear from his head, but not the buzz. "What's that noise I hear?"

"Oh, that's just the bees in the kitchen," said Lily May the June Bug. "They're very excited to bee here. Get it? Beeeeeeeeee here. The place is packed, and I can't get to the sink, so I was hoping you might share your drink."

JUST A SIP?

Lily May, the June Bug, had eaten her fill at the pantry, and was looking for a refreshing beverage to wash down her meal, when she found The Pirate, passed out from his labors, just beginning to stir. "Excuse me, Sir" she said, politely." I was wondering if there might be anything left in your bottle for me to drink?"

BUGS ARE ON THE WAY!

Let us allow Filberto to prepare for his role of a lifetime, and see if there are any more bugs finding their way to Little Red Riding Hood's House. From the look of things, I would have to guess that the infestation is only just starting.

READING THE LITTLE RED RIDING BOOK

Hmmmmmm. Hmmmmmm. Filberto puzzled out her eensy-weensy little writing to find the name and address he needed from her Little Red Book. Just because she has "Little" in her name, can't she write larger? he wondered.

FILBERTO OLIVIER

This will be the greatest role of my career, Filberto mused to himself, not in a boastful way. Too bad there can be no Tony award for the real-life comedy about to begin.

The first thing he did was to return to Little Red Riding Hood's house, and, at her desk, find her Little Red Book.

SMART LITTLE FILBERTO

Filberto sat up in bed. "Eureka! I've got it!" He smiled at the idea and formed a plan to foil the wicked and protect the innocent.

And have a little fun while at it.

A RACCOON REASONS

Still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he reasoned that it could not be Little Red Riding Hood, as she was the one who threw the incriminating letter into the trash; she would come after it only to hide it again. As a trained actor, he knew to think a little about people's motivations. He would need to hide it in plain sight, but where she could not get to it. Where would that be?

FILBERTO AWAKES FROM HIS NAP

Despite his restive dreams, Filberto felt rested and ready to rummage through the found objects in his lair to see where he may hide the letter in plain view, as James, Prince of Mavridou advised. He stretched and yawned and reviewed his dreams. As he did, he had to ask himself a question: Who was most likely to come after the letter?

CELEBRATIE THE GLORIOUS FOURTH

Pardon another interruption in the story--it's the Fourth of July and time to enjoy some hot dogs with your countrymen


---or countrymonkeys.

NOW WE KNOW YOU'RE DREAMING

"And another thing," continued Filberto in his dream reply: "If you try try to order me around again, I shall have Giovanni Lento the Turtle take you down!"

FILBERTO ANSWERS CLARENCE

Filberto is not a puppet to be ordered around, not even by the most esteemed directors (remind me later to tell you some of the stories I've heard about his behavior on the set), not in his own dream, certainly, so he addressed Clarence fearlessly:
"I shall attend to the letter in my own way, thank you very much, now please put those teeth away!"

A LITTLE EXTRA INCISOR INCENTIVE

Then Clarence appeared in Filberto's dream, rising from the water with his toothy jaw agape. "If you don't do as the Prince advises, I will eat you," he said. "I will chomp you into tiny bits, so get up from your nap and take care of the letter now!"