SANTA SAYS:

"Merry Christmas, Little Helper! Are these readers giving you trouble?"

It does say The Daily Puppet, not the occasional puppet, so I understand. I did apologize.

"If there's one thing I've learned in all my years of telling Naughty from Nice," said Santa, "it's that people don't really want apologies."

They don't?

"Nah. They may say they want apologies, but they really prefer to be mad or feel superior."

Or both?

"Sometime both. That's when they didn't deserve an apology in the first place."

Thank you for clarifying. Is that naughty or nice?

"It's not nice, but it's not naughty, either," Santa sighed. "Its human nature."

So they still get presents?

"Everyone gets presents. Everyone gets really great presents."

No lumps of coal?

"I ought to sue the creep who came up with that lie--no, never a lump of coal. Not in the stocking, not under the tree, nowhere."

So will you share with our readers what are some of the great presents they're getting this year?

"Certainly. Let's start with those who have been Really Nice."

You mean like The Tokenblogger?

"Of course I mean The Tokenblogger. She gets a big basket of lovin' from her family, her friends and her fans. The ones who like her acting style. Oh, and her furry friends, too. Then also, there may be a warm sweater for her coming, knit by the Great Magnetic Wife."

What about The Great Magnetic Husband?

"He gets licks from his puppy, Rango. And Karl Strauss beer."

Ooooooh, he must have been nice. Who else?