YOGA SESSION XXVIII

"Close your eyes and concentrate," said the Yoga Instructor.

"They're closed," said the Head Guy.

"Picture a meadow surrounded by mountains, where there are no Sharks."

YOGA SESSION XXVII

"I like that part," said the head guy. "I like that part a lot."

"And the budget is much better. You don't need the special effects. Just the normal puppy perks."

"What's the budget? And what are the puppy perks?" asked the head guy.

"With the right perks, you can cut the budget in half," said the Yoga Instructor.

"And those are....?"

"Let's talk about it over our yoga session."

YOGA SESSION XXVI

"Dogs. Puppy movies especially just clean up."

YOGA SESSION XXV

A dark look crossed the Yoga Instructor's face, which was losing any semblance of Zen tranquility. "I hate the Shark," he said. "Screw it."

"But shark movies make a lot of money, People love shark movies."

"I'll tell you what people love--even more than shark movies," said the Yoga Instructor.

"What's that?" asked the Head Guy.

YOGA SESSION XXIV

"I am impressed," said the Yoga Instructor. "Perhaps you are ready for more advanced work than I thought."

"May I tell you what I would like? I would like to use your supreme yoga skills to help me decide whether or not to greenlight the Polar Bear's movie."

"The Polar Bear's movie? The one with the Shark?"

"Yes, what do you think, O wise Instructor?"

YOGA SESSION XXIII

"We did a screen test with our Native and a Jack Rabbit, and somehow--I'm not pointing any paws at anyone, this is a crazy mixup--our rabbit got preggers, so we had to come up with some kind of safe sex version with hairy whirlagigs on long tails."

"Why'd everyone become blue, is what I want to know," said the Yoga Instructor.

"Funny you should ask, that was the Native's idea--saw his reflection in the blue lamp and thought it looked cool, so we went with that. Now that's puppetastic flexibility!" said the Head Guy. "Of course a thousand academicians will claim it was some well-thought-out metaphoric trope, which is tripe."

YOGA SESSION XXII

"The natives who are in touch with nature were originally Native Americans, that go shortened to Na'vi. And that Jake Sully was originally a Jack Rabbit."

"Really? Why did the script change?"

YOGA SESSION XXI

A smile crossed the Head Guy's face. "I didn't get to be the Head Guy because I'm green," he said. "No, I've been around the blockbuster a few times and I can tell you a few things about puppetastic!"

"I'm all ears," said the yoga instructor.

"For starters, that Avatar movie? That was really my idea."

"Is that right?"

"that's right. I started it a little differently, though..."

YOGA SESSION XX

"Oh sure. Yeah. I can do that," said the Head Guy. "I mean, I was born kind of puppetastic."

"You don't even know what it means, do you?" said the yoga instructor.

YOGA SESSION XIX

"I'm flexible! I'm flexible! How many more ways do I have to show you I'm flexible?"

"Just one more way," said the yoga instructor. "However, it is the most difficult way of all. You must show me you have puppetastic flexibility."

YOGA SESSION XVIII

"Don't tell me about down, I practically invented down," said the yoga instructor, as he deftly pulled the Head Guy to the floor. "I think we need to work on your flexibility."

YOGA SESSION XVII

The yoga instructor took matters into his own hands and stopped the Head Guy from going.

"Let go of me! Or I'm going to bring you down!"

YOGA SESSION XVI

"Where are you going?" asked the yoga instructor, "I told you I'd be right back."

"I just needed to go to the Alley for a smoke," lied the Head Guy, and not for the first time.

"I've never seen you smoke," said the yoga instructor.

"I only do it at The Grill."

YOGA SESSION XV

"Check, please!" said the Head Guy, rushing out the side door by himself. "I'm not hanging out here any more!"

YOGA SESSION XIV

"Very good, sir," said the waiter, "Happy to oblige."

YOGA SESSION XIII

There was a slight problem. "It is beyond my grasp," he complained.

The waiter replied, "Your yoga instructor said it should be."

"My yoga instructor?! He has no business interfering with my ice cream! I'll have that cold fiend by the balls!"

YOGA SESSION XII

The position made him more contemplative, made him begin to see things in better focus.

The waiter came by. "The usual?" he asked.

"You know what I like," said the Head Guy.

"Right away, sir."

YOGA SESSION XI

The Head Guy usually had a good time at The Grill, but found himself in an unaccustomed position, by himself.

YOGA SESSION X

"I'll give you a lift to The Grill," said the instructor.

"Um--hang on a moment--"

"Yes, that's exactly what I want you to do--hang on a moment. I see another of my clients at the bar. Stay there and I'll be right back. Won't be two shakes of a puppy's tail."

YOGA SESSION IX

"I'm not sure I like the flying eat crow," said the Head Guy.

"Relax and breathe deeply," said the yoga instructor.

"I'm used to eating other puppets for lunch at my favorite restaurants," said the Head Guy.

"Really? and what are your favorite restaurants?"

"I prefer The Ivy or The Grill."

"Let's practice there, then," said the yoga instructor. "If it makes you more comfortable."

"I appreciate that," said the Head Guy.

YOGA SESSION VIII

"Do you wish to continue yoga classes?" said the instructor. "Yes, I do, but--"

"Submit to your instructor, then!"

"All right, all right, final cut for the director!"

"Good, now I will teach for the flying eat crow!"

YOGA SESSION VII

"Don't make me mad, do the downward dog!" barked the instructor, who was actually the ferocious puppy, making ends meet by working as yoga instructor to the stars and studio executives who saw themselves as stars. "Now what is the budget?"

"Make that fifty million," said the Head Guy.

"That will cover only the special effects. Let's start at a hundred."

"OK, OK."

"And the director gets final cut."

"No way," said the Head Guy.

YOGA SESSION VI

"Let's do the Adho Mukha Svanasana, or Downward Dog," said the instructor.

"I hate the Downward Dog," said the Head Guy.

YOGA SESSION V

"Thirty million," said the Head Guy.

"You're kidding, right?" growled the instructor. "Let me move you to another pose so you can think more clearly."

YOGA SESSION IV

"I will do so, gladly," said the instructor, taking the Head Guy from the bottom. "First, let's work on your posture for the head stand. What do you feel?"

"I feel I should grab the project before anyone else does."

"What budget?" asked the instructor.

YOGA SESSION III

"Oh, you have plenty of time for ice cream, but no patience for the wisdom that comes from yoga?" barked the instructor.

"What if the project is a dog?" said the Head Guy for Fox.

"A dog is a step up from what you do," said the instructor.

"Show me what I need to do, my honored instructor, to make a good decision."

YOGA SESSION II

"Oh, come on, decision, hurry up already!" said the Head Guy. "I don't have all day for this! I'm giving you one more minute of the head stand or else!"

YOGA SESSION I

The Head Guy did a head stand, or his version of the salamba sirsasana, to let powerful energy flow to his head, so he could make a decision.

No decision came, so he remained on his head longer.