THE SPINE CLINIC XIX

"Or may be it would-a be easier to just-a bend-a over?" he wondered. "Ow! That-a hurts!"

THE SPINE CLNIC XVIII

"Thats-a what I do. I say I was so-a upset when I see they taping-a me, that I had the involuntary-a muscle spasm that made me stand-up. And I sue-a them for the pain and the-a suffering."

THE SPINE CLNIC XVII

"What would the Little Head-a Lying-a Good Do? He is a master of lying, he could just-a deny he ever stood up. No, they gotta the tape of me standing up-a. Maybe I could-a sue them for taping-a the patients?"

THE SPINE CLINIC XVI

"I gotta think of some good-a lie, but quick!"

THE SPINE CLINIC XV

"I wonder if they got-a the camera that shows that I can stand-a up?"

THE SPINE CLINIC XIV

"Would it not-a be a hoot-a indeed!" thought Pinocchio, who had found the monitor while waiting.

THE SPINE CLINIC XIII

"Oh, that is brilliant!" said Nurse Martha, laughing aloud. "Wouldn't it be a hoot if anyone was watching us?"

THE SPINE CLINIC XII

"I guess I am comforted by that," said Nurse Martha. "I'm not sure I get the part about being mad at you for saving her life."

"That was unusual yes," said Dr. Monkey "But I also protect myself by having closed circuit camera in every room."

THE SPINE CLINIC XI

"Who did I talk out of suing me?" said Doctor Monkey. "My greatest triumph may have been talking that sweet old Grandma out of suing me."

"Just how sweet was that sweet old Grandma?" asked Nurse Martha.

"I leave that for you to decide," said Dr. Monkey. "I saved her life a few times, and she was kind of mad about that, so I told her next time I wouldn't, and that seemed to make her happy."

THERE MAY BE NO GOING BACK ON THIS ONE

"Maybe I-a make my back look-a much-a worse since I got here, so I can sue-a the doc for the-a big-a bucks!" thought Pinocchio, who had been waiting for Doctor Monkey nearly an hour. "I wonder how much-a insurance he-a got?"

THE SPINE CLINIC X

Dr. Monkey comforted Nurse Martha--"Don't you worry your pretty little furry head about this, I'll make sure nothing like that happens. I've talked patients out of malpractice suits hundreds of times!"

"You have?' asked Nurse Martha. "Like when?"

THE SPINE CLINIC IX

"Sure--maybe he will find a nice malpractice lawyer who will sue us for only half our bananas!"

THE SPINE CLINIC VIII

"The Patient!" Nurse Martha exclaimed. "How unprofessional of me to forget we had a patient waiting! He's going to be hopping mad"

"Oh, right," said Dr. Monkey. "Maybe it will help that he has no spine."

THE SPINE CLINIC VII

But even as she was accepting the graciously proffered banana, Nurse Martha realized there was something that was not quite right.....

THE SPINE CLINIC VI

"I'd like to give you a present," sad Dr. Monkey, "This is my best banana, from my private collection."

"I've never seen such a beautiful banana," said Nurse Martha.

THE SPINE CLINIC V

Dr. Monkey was still celebrating the conception of his spine clinic with Nurse Martha, who had arrived at the catchy name "Dr. Monkey's Instant Spine-O-Matic Easy Reduction Yurt" after much careful thought.

"Maybe we should call off seeing patients for the rest of the day and speak to an intellectual property attorney," said Dr. Monkey.

"I already set up a meeting for you with the best one around," said Nurse Martha.

"You just think of everything!" said Dr. Monkey.

SAILING BACK TO THE STORY

The Hippo guided Clarence back towards the Drama. "Labor Day has come and gone," he said. "I'm taking you back to the turtle and the monkeys and that lying puppet so the readers won't be bothered with your nonsense again."

But Clarence was already thinking of more trouble he could cause.....

YES, THEY MUST BE ON THEIR WAY!

Pinocchio was still waiting in he doctor's office, waiting for the story to continue. "I got-a places to-a go, people to-a sue!" he fumed, checking his watch.

SEA CHANTY 7

The Hippo was able to boink the shark on the head and startle hm into releasing The Pirate's leg. "We have been very poor guest, indeed," said the Hippo. "My apologies, I thank you for your chanty assistance, but we must be on our way now."

SEA CHANTY 6

Clarence the Shark had had quite enough of this chanty, and applied his teeth to the Pirate's leg. Even though The Pirate had on some very fine boots that he had stolen, he could feel the sharp teeth through the leather and the chanty swiftly became a yelp of pain.

SEA CHANTY 5

Arrg, that's easy," said The Pirate, and began singing:








What's more evil than a drunken sailor?
What's more risky than a one-eyed tailor?
What's more drunken than Norman Mailer?
Earl-ae in the mornin'

Hoo-ray and up she rises,
Blu-ray player prices,
Mid-dle Eastern crises,
Earl-ae in the mornin'


Shave the Shark with a rusty razor,
Shave the Shark with a rusty razor,
Then apply your trusty taser,
Earl-ae in the mornin'

SEA CHANTY 4

The Hippo spoke while Clarence enjoyed a wee drop: "My friend here says you are something of an expert on sea chanties and can help me with my songs."

"Aye, that I am," sad The Pirate. "Just tell me the trouble you wish to sing about and I can fashion ye the best chanty for it."

"My only trouble has been with this shark." said the Hippo.

SEA CHANTY 3

So Clarence swam them both to see The Pirate, who was already up and thinking about trouble he could cause for the day.

"Arrrg, have some rum," he greeted them.

"Don't mind if I do," said the shark.

"Now what is it I can help ye with? Wenching? Marauding? Plundering?"

SEA CHANTY 2

"I like it," said the hippo, scowling. "And I'm very musical."

"You're no singing whale," said the shark.

"I suppose you're the expert?" sneered the hippo.

"I'm not an expert, but I know someone who is, and I think he should be called for a consultation."

SEA CHANTY 1

"O, once there was a fearless hippo
Starting on a little trip-0,
From his river in Tanzania
Where he left to roam-a free-a,
And swim upon the seven sea-a."

"That's horrible," said Clarence. "I won't sing along!"

BEATING THE SHARK

Clarence the Shark was greatly chagrined to be bested by a hippo, and a musical hippo at that.

"Now we're going to sing some sea chanties," said the hippo. "I'll keep time on your back."

HOW QUICKLY THINGS CAN CHANGE

Back to our regular interruption. The hippo had ideas of his own about being eaten, and they were quite contrary to the shark's ideas. With his powerful head, he bonked the shark off then jumped on his back.

WE INTERRUPT THE INTERRUPTION FOR A SPECIAL MESSAGE

Once more, the puppets hope you hugged someone dear to you this day.

WHY THE PROBLEM?

From the Shark's perspective, it was supposed to be an easy treat. The hippo seemed a gentle, defenseless bongo-playing music lover. No match at all for his terrible teeth.

BITING MORE THAN HE CAN CHEW

The hippo in question seemed to resist the Shark's attack, and became quite annoyed with the Shark.

HOW THE SHARK CONTINUED TO CELEBRATE

Oddly enough, the Shark did not take a break from his normal work routine over the Labor Day holiday, but tried to sink his teeth into a new assignment--eating a hippo.

HAPPY LABOR DAY FROM CAPE COD

Clarence the Shark interrupts the story to say he is taking a day off from Puppet detail to swim the Atlantic and hopes you will visit, too!

THE NOSE KNOWS

"Some-a times, it's-a good, to stick your-a nose into the other people's business," thought Pinocchio. "Now I got-a what I need to sue that Little Head Lying-a Good but good!"

NOSING AROUND

Nurse Martha, however, could not have imagined the extent to which their showcase patient was a very sneaky puppet, indeed, and was busy spying on other patients' charts while waiting for the Doctor. One in particular caught his interest....

THE SPINE CLINIC IV

"What shall we call the clinic?" Dr. Monkey asked.

"Easy," said Nurse Martha. "We'll call it Dr. Monkey's Instant Spine-O-Matic Easy Reduction Yurt."

"I love it! Simple, yet effective."

"I've looked at this plan from every angle, and I can't see anything to keep it from success," said Nurse Martha.

THE SPINE CLINIC III

So they mixed themselves some drinks and fearlessly toasted their future success.

"My darling Nurse Martha, forgive, me, I have another question about the plan," said Dr. Monkey.

"What is it?"

THE SPINE CLINIC II

"Easy as pie," said Nurse Martha. "We can have a special offer for celebrities--and those who want to look like celebrities--to add an extra inch to their spines so they look instantly taller and thinner--without dieting!"

"You're brilliant!" said Dr. Monkey.

"Let's celebrate our soon-to-be success," she said.

THE SPINE CLINIC I

"The real goal is to open your own--I mean, our own--clinic where big celebrities come to get backbones. So we first ask Pinocchio to be the spokesman for the clinic, praising you for returning his spine."

"Is he a credible spokesman?" asked Dr. Money.

"He's got a face like an open book," said Nurse Martha.

"And the rights?"

"Tell him you will treat him free of charge for being the spokesman, so long as the story of his cure remains with the clinic."

"OK, but how does this get big celebrities to the clinic?" asked Dr. Monkey.

NURSE MARTHA EXPLAINS IT ALL

"You mean, where will we honeymoon?" asked Dr. Monkey.

"I don't mind where we go, Paris would be nice--or maybe Costa Rica to see bananas growing. But no, I was thinking more about the 5-year, 10-year, 15-year plans we could make."

"What about 20-year plans?"

"I have something in mind for that, too," said Nurse Martha. "But I thought I'd leave a little something for you."

"Well, let's start with the 5-year-plan," said Dr. Monkey.

"All right. That Mr. Pinocchio patient? Let's get the rights to his medical history right away."

"But doesn't he have the rights to that?"

"We've got a puppet with no spine! We can get them!"

"But how?" asked Dr. Monkey.

"I'll tell you how," said Nurse Martha.

MONKEYS PAWS

"I would like to make you the happiest monkey in the world," said Dr. Monkey.

"I think I am the happiest monkey in the word right now," said Nurse Martha. "But tell me more of what you have in mind?"

"I think you are the monkey's paw and would like it in marriage, to start."

"Sounds good. Then what?"

REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD

Dr. Monkey opened the door and ran into the arms of Nurse Martha, and she into his. "You are so correct," he said, "proposing muzzle to muzzle is much nicer."

THE ABSENT-MINDED MONKEY

"I knew I was forgetting something! Hang on!"

NURSE MARTHA'S REQUEST

"I shall accept your proposal if you will please open the door and repeat it to my face!"

BACK AT DR. MONKEY'S OFFICE

"In that case," said Dr. Monkey, "Let me take a moment before we see this Pinocchio to tell you how much I admire you, not just as a nurse, but as a monkey."

"Doctor," said Nurse Martha, "before you continue, I must ask something of you."

"No, please, let me finish," said Dr. Monkey."I would like us to be mates and groom each other forever. There! Now I've said it! Now tell me what you would like to say?"

ADDICTED TO LITIGATION

"Maybe I can-a look through some-a charts and see what kind of-a trouble I can cause."

Nurse Martha--not being the addictive type herself-- did not factor in that some puppets actually could form an addiction to suing, because the potential reward gave them a sense of euphoria, of power over other puppets. Perhaps a combination of excitement over the large sums demanded, of satisfaction for the various wrongs in one's life, whether they are specific to the case of not. The legal system allows puppets to start lawsuits that can take years to prove are without merit. In the meantime, oh, the joy of causing trouble!

BE SILLY

Actually, Nurse Martha had it a little wrong, as the patient (or rather, now impatient) Pinocchio has litigation utmost on his mind.

I know-a I hoped she would take-a her time, but now I can start-a to think-a about the lawsuits for leaving me-a here with my-a suffering, he thought, neglecting that there was no actual suffering.

DON'T BE SILLY

"Danger? No, he seems to be doing fine without his spine, and he certainly doesn't seem the type to go suing anyone for malpractice."

DOCTOR MONKEY'S THOUGHTS

Dr. Monkey collected himself. "You are so much more than my nurse, Nurse Martha," he said. "You must know that."

He thought maybe this was the time to say how he really felt, but wondered maybe if he should first ask one more question.

"Um--you're sure the patient isn't in immediate danger?"

A QUASI-MEDICAL QUESTION

"Can I still be your nurse when you're rich and famous?" asked Nurse Martha.

NOT WASTING A MOMENT

Visions of fame and fortune flashed through Dr. Monkey's mind at this intelligence. Not just the TV shows, but the articles and books. What title for the first? "I've Got Your Back Back?" "Dr. Monkey's Guide to Better Posture?" "Don't Do The Crime If You Don't Have The Spine?"